Even Purebloods Endure Boredom (Previously: Footsie Molestation)
by Sonata16
Summary: This is another one-shot of from a compilation of Vampire Knight fanfics that I have been working on with RinLovesZero; just one of the things that can happen when you incorporate a vulnerable and overreactive American girl and Kaname-sama when he is exceptionally bored and doesn't have classes to attend.


Zero had just been starting to get comfortable, curled up on his side with one arm around Reinette's waist, his eyelids growing heavy and starting to lower, when, all of a sudden, an ungodly, earth-shattering shriek broke the silence, causing his eyes to fly open as, carried on the tail of that shriek, came a name.

"ZEROOOOOOOO!"

Zero slowly closed his eyes, feeling his brow turn down in annoyance... Of course it would be his name that Catherine would be screaming at the top of her lungs at this hour of the night... Why not? Why freaking not?

"Screw it," he grumbled, throwing back the blanket and sitting up, drawing both hands across his face before slumping over with his elbows propped up on his knees, head hanging. He heaved a deep sigh as silence settled again, waiting... Nothing. He lifted his head slowly to contemplate the door. Maybe he'd misheard? He snorted at his own impudence. Yeah, right, like someone could "mishear" someone screaming a name at the top of their voice.

Zero sighed, closing his eyes and reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Screw it," he grumbled again, rolling back into bed just as Rin turned over onto her back with a low moan.

"What are you screwing exactly?" she mumbled, rubbing the back of her hand across her sleep clouded eyes, a frown on her face.

"Nothing in particular," he told her, his lips quirking slight at the corners (at her state of spiky hair, disheveled tee and his pair of sweats that she always wore when she stayed the night) as he settled down beneath the sheets beside her. "Just commenting on how screwable life is."

"Oh..." Rin turned her head to peer blearily up at him. She shrugged. "Alright, then..."

"G'night, Rin," sighed Zero, pushing his face into her soft hair.

"G'night, Z..." she murmured, slinging an arm across his thin waist and resting the side of her face against his shoulder.

But all was not well in Denmark, so to speak...unfortunately...

Once again, the cry rang out, much louder and much more annoying than Zero remembered...

"ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP!"

"What the fucking 'h'?" Zero snapped, eyes popping open as he, once again threw the blankets back, so far this time that they landed with a dull 'fwump' on the floor.

Rin sat up a little unsteadily as Zero swung his legs out of bed, blinking tiredly as she watched him stalk across the room towards the door.

"Why do you say 'fucking' but you don't say 'hell'?" she asked groggily, tilting her head to the side with one eyebrow cocked.

"Because I can, damn it!" he snapped, throwing the bedroom door open and stalking out as a shrill squeal sounded from the neighboring sleeping quarters. "DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST! I'M COMING, DAMN IT!"

"HURRY UP!" shrieked Catherine. "I'M BEING ASSALT—EEK!"

"Jesus flipping Christ," Rin heard Zero mutter as she also slid out of bed and half staggered towards the door.

"I thought you were atheist," she mused, poking her head through the open doorway to catch him midway towards Catherine's door, Bloody Rose in hand, the hammer pulled back.

"I am," he said grumpily, reaching forward to grasp the doorknob and turned it sharply. "Alright, Cat, what the hell is going on—Kuran!"

Rin skittered down the hall as quickly as she could, still half drugged with sleep, to stand in the doorway to her best friend's room and see Zero standing with his gun leveled at Kaname Kuran's head as the Night Class president lounged casually on the edge of Catherine's queen bed, one hand balancing himself as he leaned back, away from the deadly weapon. His other placed lightly on a small foot, which Rin recognized immediately as Catherine's size six footsie, gently massaging. Catherine had the rest of her body drawn as far back as she could humanly manage, a blanket clutched to her chest, over which Rin could see the top of her cherry hued face peering out.

"What in the hell...?" Zero was stammering, obviously taken aback by the present situation.

"Help me," whimpered Catherine. "I'm being molested by the Night Class president...He's taking advantage of his position of power..."

The corner of Kaname's lips quirked into a small smirk, his russet colored eyes skipping to the side to analyze Catherine's face. She averted her gaze immediately with another small whimper of alarm.

"Please get him off of me," she pleaded with Zero, sounded almost as desperate as if she were asking the Disciplinary Committee member to remove a poisonous asp from her bedroom. Not the high class Kaname Kuran of the Night Class.

Reinette had to stop and wonder if she was the only one who could spot the irony of this. She was sure she wasn't. But, hey, who knew? Kaname seemed too occupied "molesting" Cat's foot, Cat seemed totally absorbed with the fact that her foot was being sexually harassed, and Zero had the classic "What the freaking hell is going here?" look plastered across his face. His Bloody Rose was half raised and half lowered, as though he wasn't entirely sure what he was supposed to be doing with it at this point. Rin suspected that Zero would love nothing better than to pop one in Kaname, but at the same time, nothing was quite meriting that sort of violent reaction. At least not yet, unless he wanted to go ahead and say that touching of feet was considered a federal offense and therefore punishable by law.

"Uh..." Zero blinked once, twice. "He's hardly molesting you, much as I hate to point out that he isn't doing anything remotely sexual to you. Not that it seems."

"You didn't hear what he was saying, you ass," Cat snapped at him, shoving the blanket down in order to shoot a full out glare at Zero. "He was being totally and unapologetically explicit, making all sorts of crude comments and other such intimate foreplay of words—eek!"

Kaname had let his hand wander up to her ankle and Rin couldn't help snickering as her friend tried and failed to yank her limb back from her senpai, who kept a firm hold and continued as though there was not an ounce of wrongness in his actions. And, honestly, there wasn't.

Rin scrutinized the Night Class president for another moment, shot a glance at Zero, then casually sauntered out of the room as she was struck by a sudden epiphany.

"I'll be back," she sang lightly over her shoulder. No one seemed to hear her. Zero was still preoccupied with his current dilemma. To shoot the bastard or not to shoot the bastard...that was the question.

"Uh, Cat...?" Zero hesitated, then heaved a deep sigh and lowered his gun to his side, running a hand over his face and through his already tousled bed head (Or, as Cat would've called it under friendlier circumstances, his 'sex hair'). "I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he's not doing anything other than continuing unwanted physical contact. That's not really molestation."

"Where I come from," grumbled Catherine, now clutching the blanket to her chest again like a shield as Kaname watched her through half closed eyes, "Unwanted physical contact is the very basis of sexual harassment... You apparently don't pay enough attention in English class..."

"Watch it," Zero said coldly, narrowing his eyes at her. "And, again, being the herald of bad news, that's not the definition of "sexual harassment" here. Sexual harassment is when Aido decides to put his mouth on your neck or any other part of his person on yours."

"Oh, so if it's Aido, it's sexual harassment," huffed Catherine, getting instantly worked up again, "But if it's this guy"—she pointed an accusatory finger at Kaname—"It's perfectly natural!"

"I didn't say that, you're twisting my words," Zero sighed, feeling the beginnings of a migraine setting in. He glanced at her bedside clock. Screw it all...it was four in the morning... It was too damned early to be dealing with this damned shit... "Kuran," he sighed, and pointed at Kaname with his Bloody Rose, "Get out. You're freaking her out—to be honest, you're freaking me out—you're not even supposed to be here this time of day—night?—and to be honest, I'm too damned tired to do anything else than kick your sorry ass through the door. So..." Zero narrowed his eyes, "GIT."

Kaname inclined his head to fix Zero with a calm gaze that plainly said he was not in any mood to rise from his current position, and would rather like to see Zero attempt to kick his ass through the door. Apparently, Cat thought to herself, they'd had this kind of conversation before... And, apparently, Kaname had won...

"I'm baa~ck!" Rin sing-songed, skipping back into the room and wrapping her arms around Zero's waist, startling him.

"And where were you?" Cat said, glaring accusingly at Rin.

Rin shrugged off the glare and stepped in between Kaname and Zero, or -more exactly- Kaname and the Bloody Rose. She placed a hand on the top of Zero's gun and he reluctantly lowered it, keeping it cocked, just in case.

"Hey, Cat." Rin started "Didn't you say a couple days ago that you were missing your Vampire Knight Goodnight CDs?" she asked, tilting her head to one side. Even in four in the morning, Rin made as much sense as she would after a full 8 hours of sleep and a good meal. Which is to say, not a lot.

"Yes I did. Now, how is that relevant?" Cat said, attempting -and failing- to yank her 'molested' footsie away from Kaname.

Rin tossed a CD case onto the bed near where Cat was curled. "Look what I found in Kuran-senpai's room."

Uncurling from her cramped position, Cat picked up the case and, after a moment's examination, exclaimed "My Goodnight CD!" She turned to Kaname, "Why was this in your room?"

Kaname ignored her question and, turning to Rin, asked his own: "How did you get into my room?"

"How'd you know which one was his?" Zero added.

"Do you really want to know?" Rin asked, a smile playing about her lips. The others nodded. "You see, I had to cartwheel my way across the lawn to avoid all the light sensors and red beams that were a trigger to something-or-other. After that, I had to pick the lock and try my hand at guessing the pass code for the security alarm. It was 'Tall dark and Kaname', by the way. After that, I had to build my own set of Night vision goggles out of cardboard, strawberry jam and lemon juice so I couldn't be snuck up on by any lingering Night Class students. Then, after getting lost about 5 times, I found Kaname's room at the very top of the building and I found that," Rin pointed at the CD, "Inside a sweet stereo system that I, sadly, had to dismantle because I couldn't figure out how to open it."

"Wow." Zero said, shaking his head. "To think you had me until I realized you never tripped over anything." and started laughing.

"Hahaha!" Cat burst, doubling over, "Wow, Rin. Just... wow."

Kaname was the only one that seemed slightly troubled. "Now I'm going to have to change the pass code again." He muttered. Everyone stopped laughing suddenly and looked at Rin, their eyebrows raised.

"Pfft." she snorted. "Sure, now y'all believe me."

"Not quite." Zero said.

"Hey Rin!" Ichijo said, popping his head in through the doorway. "Did ya find what you were looking for?"

"Mhm! Thanks Ichi-kuun!" Rin smiled at the blond, who, smiling in return, then walked away.

Zero raised his eyebrow at the suffix. "Ichi... kuun?!" he asked

"Yupp!" She grinned at her boy. "It's cute, like him and it suits him."

"Cute?" A dark aura seemed to gather around Zero as he tugged her to him, securing him against his chest, muttering something like "That blonds gonna die soon."

Rin pouted then pulled on his arm. "C'mon Zero, let's go on back to bed." And left the room.

Kaname turned back to Catherine, fully intending to pick up where he had left off, when Rin stuck her head around the door frame again. "Oh, and I'd go back to class if I were you, Kaname, considering now I can answer all your fangirls' shameless questions." She winked. "Ichijo's not very good at secrets, is he?" And with that badly hidden innuendo, Rin disappeared again with a giggle.


End file.
